beadyeyedbeth

After 4 long years of self-loathing since my last visit to my weight loss doctor, I bit the bullet of embarrassment, made an appointment and went back to see him last Tuesday. I was excited to get back to the healthy lifestyle I had once built, but let slip away these past 4 years. I had a million excuses for falling off the wagon, but in hind-sight they were all pretty weak. As of Wednesday, 5 days ago, I'm back to mostly raw, plant-based foods, juices and green smoothies and, once again, the weight is falling off. I feel like I've reclaimed a part of myself that I had let slip away, due to being a stress-eater, boredom-eater, food addict, etc. The longer I went not living this healthy lifestyle, the more depressed I got, and the deeper into self-loathing I spiraled. I was cranky, angry, sad, depressed, with aching joints, limited movement, painful knees, swollen ankles, foggy-brain, puffy face, sickly pale and colorless skin, dry eyes, acid reflux, and sleepless nights and fatigue all damn day long, were the consequences of an unhealthy diet and sedentary lifestyle. I had started and stopped "dieting" multiple times before a sister convinced me to just make the damn appointment. Going to monthly followups gives me accountability. I need to see those improving blood test results. I need to see that scale going down and down. I need help. There, I admitted it.

At my appointment I had my blood drawn for a full metabolic panel, and got prescriptions for appetite suppressant and thyroid medication.  The ONE habit I maintained during those 4 years was weekly vitamin D3, 50,000 IU, because my natural D was so low it was scary. 

I'm already down 7.5 pounds in the 5 days since my appointment, however I had already lost a few pounds in the two weeks prior while dieting for a wedding I was attending. Yes, most of that is water weight, but I can already feel the difference, and that motivates me to keep going. I'm less short of breath, and my finger joints and knee joints are less achy. Finger and ankle swelling is down. My brain fog (some of which I attribute to having Covid in February) is slowly improving. Health first, weight second is my new mindset. If a food doesn't have maximum nutritional value it doesn't go in my mouth. No sugar, low-to-no sodium, no flour products (bread, crackers, pasta, cookies) and essentially very little to no cooked food at all. This is what works for ME. I did it before, and will do it again. However, THIS time I'm making it more of a lifestyle change and less of a "diet" and will maintain it even after I've reached my goal weight. I will eat mostly raw, plant-based for the rest of my life.  I have envisioned myself years from now living this way. I will be the weirdo who brings baggie snacks of raw carrots and raw green beans everywhere I go, but feeling great, looking good and dressing in clothes I love, rather than clothes that best hide my fat. I'm looking forward to going out and doing things I enjoy again.

I write this journal for myself, so I can go back and see how far I've come. However, if anyone finds my health and weight-loss journey inspirational I welcome comments.